Going through a separation can be challenging enough, but when there is a child or children involved, things can be even more difficult. Co-parenting with your ex is possible despite how it might feel at the beginning and perhaps at various other points throughout the journey. Continue reading for some strategies that should help to minimise the stress.
Come up with a plan together
Sometimes, it might feel more appropriate to come up with a plan on your own and then run it by your ex for approval. However, this automatically shows that you feel your views are more important than theirs, which may be true, but conveying that will not be helpful. If you are capable of sitting in the same room together, this approach would be best, allowing you to discuss how often you will each have the children, where they will live and who will collect them from school, for example. Try to plan a few months in advance but be mindful that life does have a habit of throwing spanners into the works left, right and centre at some points.
Shared calendar
Once you have come up with a firm plan, be sure to create a shared calendar into which you can add the key information. For example, you will need to be able to see at a glance who is taking the children swimming on a Sunday morning or where the children will be sleeping when you are visiting London with an old school friend. Having the shared calendar will allow you both to make plans with others without the need for texts back and forth.
Communicate well
Be clear and consistent when it comes to communicating with your ex. Resorting to negative language and insults will have a serious impact on the relationship you maintain, and your children will undoubtedly pick up on the bad vibes. You don’t have to ring each other every night to pass on information about how the children are doing. A simple text or even an email would suffice.
Don’t put the kids in the middle
Children are perceptive creatures. However, this does not mean that they need to be an audience to one or both parents slagging off the other party. The only thing that this serves to do is show your offspring that you are not afraid to be disrespectful in front of them. Ultimately, children will feel stuck in the middle, scared of making any decision for fear of upsetting or angering one of their parents.
Make decisions together
Although one parent might have the lion’s share of the parenting in terms of how many nights the children are in the home, important decisions should still be made together wherever possible. This proves that you are willing to take the other party’s views into account, and it also proves to your children that you are able to be amicable, coming to a mutual decision that will best serve the children.